Nothing mattered more to me than being a great dad...and giving my kids something better than what I experienced as a kid.
I don’t know your story. But I know you have one.
Maybe fatherhood has brought you more joy than you imagined. Maybe it has also brought pain, pressure, and questions you never expected to face. You can love your children deeply and still wonder whether you have what it takes.
I know because I’ve been there. My story with fatherhood began long before I became a dad.
It all started in 1983
When I was three years old, I was abducted by my biological father.
That began a 49 month nightmare for my mother and made me a missing child, complete with a poster. During that time, I lived with my father as he moved from New York City to Kingston, Jamaica, and finally St. Louis, Missouri.
Then one night it all changed.
I was watching television with my dad and his girlfriend when there was a knock at the door. Police stormed into the house, and the the next thing I knew, I was in a police cruiser on my way to a foster home.
I spent two nights in two different foster homes. On the third day, I was brought to a courthouse and introduced to my mother—a woman I vaguely recognized but no longer really knew.
That was June 24, 1987. We flew back to Toronto that day.
The separation was over. Understanding its impact would take much longer.
Becoming a dad myself brought new questions...
When I became a dad, I wanted to give my children love, security, and the connection I had missed. I was a loving, involved father, and being there for them mattered deeply to me.
Because of my own childhood, I was determined that my children would never experience the pain of a family being pulled apart. For a long time, that commitment kept me in an unhealthy relationship. I believed that staying, working harder, and holding everything together was how I could protect them.
It took time to recognize what that was costing me.
The partnership had become deeply unequal, and the emotional strain affected my confidence, health, and sense of worth. Alongside loss, financial pressure, a child’s health concerns, and growing demands at work, I was carrying relationship pressures I didn’t fully understand at the time.
There were also patterns that undermined my connection with my children. I began doubting myself as a father, even while I continued to love them, care for them, and invest in their lives. Looking back, I can see how much the relationship contributed to those doubts.
I had things to learn and mistakes to own. I also needed to recognize that some of what I was struggling with came from being in a damaging situation. Understanding that helped me begin rebuilding my confidence and making healthier choices.
I reengaged with leadership learning and mentorship through John Maxwell. I hired a coach, began talking with other dads, and examined how my past, my relationship, and my daily choices were shaping the father I was becoming.
Those experiences helped me grow. They also showed me how many dads were carrying difficult circumstances alone, questioning themselves without the support they needed. That is where Connected Dads began.
My story continued through family breakdown
Eventually, the marriage ended. The family breakdown I had worked so hard to prevent became part of my children’s lives—and mine.
Separation brought grief, accusations, family court, child-welfare involvement, and high-conflict co-parenting. I also faced attempts to undermine my relationship with my children and periods when our time together was limited.
It took a three-and-a-half-year family-court process to secure shared parenting. During that time, the grief, uncertainty, and pressure were real. I missed my children. I worried about our relationships. There were days when everything inside me wanted to fight and defend myself.
Yet my children still needed their dad. They needed me to remain emotionally available, to care for myself, and to keep making choices that protected our connection.
I kept returning to one question:
“What do my children need from me right now?”
That question did not remove the conflict or make the pain disappear. It helped me choose where to put my energy and how I wanted to show up.
I had to learn to lead myself differently
I could not control every decision, accusation, or circumstance. I could keep working on my responses, my boundaries, my health, and the quality of the time I had with my children.
I’ve had to practise pausing when I wanted to react, asking for help when I wanted to carry everything alone, and taking responsibility for my own mistakes while recognizing the harm I had experienced.
I’ve learned that repair matters. So does consistency. Small moments of listening, affection, interest, and follow-through help build the relationship I want my children to experience with me.
My faith has helped sustain me through this work. I've needed God’s strength, wisdom, and grace. My faith calls me to keep examining my own heart, to forgive, and to act with courage and healthy boundaries.
I’m still learning. I still face hard days. But I remain committed to growing, staying connected, and being present in my children’s lives.
Rebuilding has brought new joys and challenges
Today, I’m a father in a blended family of five children. That brings love, laughter, and opportunity—and plenty of complexity.
Blending a family requires patience, honest communication, clear boundaries, and a willingness to keep learning. The work continues as I balance different needs, build relationships, and care for my own health so I can be available to the people I love.
Fatherhood has taught me that growth is something we keep practising. It happens in how we handle a difficult conversation, how we respond after a mistake, and whether we return to the relationship with love and intention.
Why I share this with you
I know dads need support but often struggle to find it. I also know how hard it can be to admit you need help when you feel responsible for holding everything together.
Through Connected Dads and my work as Director of Dad Central Ontario, a coach, and co-host of Dad Central: A Parenting Podcast To Reduce Stress & Build Confidence in Fatherhood, I support fathers who want to become more grounded, capable, and connected.
My professional training helps me guide that work. My lived experience helps me understand the fear, doubt, and determination that can come with it.
You are not your worst moment. Your past does not have to decide every choice you make next.
Whatever your family looks like today, your children need the love, steadiness, and presence you can bring. You matter in their lives.
And if no one has ever told you this: I believe in you. You were made for fatherhood.
Take the next step toward connection
I created The Connected Dad Course to give dads a practical path through the work of understanding themselves, managing stress, building connection, and leading with intention.
It draws on my lived experience, coaching and leadership work, and the fatherhood knowledge developed through Dad Central. It offers steps you can begin practising in your own family.
[Explore The Connected Dad Course]
If you’d like support with your particular circumstances, [learn about coaching with me].
